Why? The simple answer is that I've been, and am, overwhelmed.
By the task at hand. By its difficulty. And by those self-imposed limitations and fears that often creep up, threatening to trump creative acts.
I've spent the last few weeks utterly disappointed and mostly fearful (of not being good enough for this): looking for a breakthrough, I've instead managed to exhaust myself.
I thought this writing process could be a simple companion, log of the creative process, an explanation of processes and techniques, rather than a very personal diary, a very intimate struggle. I was wrong. Because what I'm doing, I am realizing more and more, is working on myself, for myself and against my own blocks and bad habits, in order to allow the creative act to arise.
This may sound obvious, but the writing I will be doing is going to be very personal. Perhaps uncomfortably so. Necessarily so.
To paraphrase someone greater who's come before: -creativity- demands, first, the destruction of what's blocking the creativity from happening, the lying bare of the habits and the overcoming of them.
Furthermore, I think it's time to make this diary "public", and not because throes of people out there are waiting to read it, but because doing so will help in keeping it even more honest, while ensuring, perhaps, a higher standard of composition. This is personal, but it's not going to be just an unabashed vomiting of words and feelings onto virtual paper.
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