"...it becomes very much about the amount of space you occupy in a certain amount of time. Precision becomes very crucial."
(Anna Teresa De Keersmaeker, speaking after a small show at NY's MoMA)
It's a good reminder. A good mantra to keep in mind. Something to DO, every moment, in the studio, and even outside of it.
(The quote is from this, simple, very good video. The rest of it is from me, from us at Horse Dance Theatre, from the blessed studio.)
The struggle has continued, all through the silence of this "blog" (internet issues, couldn't get anything written/published, plus sheer exhaustion).
The struggle with the lack of focus, the lack of energy--no doubt the two are related (I feel like I am redundantly saying the obvious 90% of the time. Perhaps I should rename this experiment "Duh...")--has continued daily.
I've been too serious, and not in a positive, healthy way: just too darned serious to enjoy, to have a good time, to breathe. My body, muscles, joints, digestive system, has been in knots, and no wonder. I would have needed someone to gave me a good shaking, literally, and tell me: "loosen up, kid!".
Because this is, despite/because it's so important, supposed to be FUN. Yes, fun, FUN, capital F capital U capital N. Because otherwise it's just too much to deal with. It becomes too hard (instead of impossibly hard), and I/one just can't deal with that. One ends up developing, or dwelling more often/deeper, in neuroses and bad habits that do very little to help the work.
And yesterday it finally (re)dawned on me: this is FUN. It's fun! It's a blessing. Sure, my body aches, my back is killing me, my belly is bloated, I am not sleeping well nor enough. But I get to do this, day in and day out. For a living. A very frugal living, but still.
It's a realization that will take some time to sink back in, to drill through the layers of stale BS I've been shrouding myself in for God/god/Goddess knows whatever reason. (It's fear. Plain and simple. Duh.) But it's another good beginning. And through this process, in which all the bad, all the evil, all the ugly, all the lazy, all the complacent is made to surface, displayed, even paraded around, well, I will need a lot of beginnings. One for every bad habit and every fear I am trying to shed seems like an acceptable/necessary ratio.
And so we continue. I continue. Two days until the showing. I am sleeping too little, still, but I feel my inner energy and strength resurfacing, somewhat. It's a good omen. And it's about fricking time it did, in all honesty...
Precision. Focus. Fun. Hard work. Laughter. Even a glass of red wine or two. They can all coexist, be part of the process. And they ought to.
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